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I didn’t used to be like this. Really. I promise I wasn’t. Sure things got to me on occasion, but nothing that I couldn’t handle. Most things rolled off of my back.
Not anymore. I don’t know if it’s being married that did it. Or having a baby. Or maybe just facing up to the reality that I’m not a child anymore. I’m actually a grown up. A real one. One with responsibility and bills and 5 million things on a to-do list everyday.
Like it or not, I’ve turned into a WORRIER…and I don’t like it.
When the paycheck comes, I am always the one paying bills. I look at the check, I look at the bills. I worry. When Noah was running 102 degree fever last night, what was I doing? Worrying. When Josh is running late coming home from work [even if it’s only by 30 minutes, and I haven’t heard from him all day], what do I do? Worry. I even worry about STUPID stuff. When we go out to eat, I’m that person that’s paranoid that when we go to pay our tab, the credit card is going to be declined. Or that the cash I pay with is counterfeit. LOL Even if there is money in the bank and the cash in my purse came out of an ATM.
I expect the worst. When there is more bill than money at the end of the day, I baracade myself upstairs with the garage closed and the windows shut…just in case they come to turn off the cable or something. When Noah runs fever, I freak out. I expect the worst possible lab results and try to come up with a plan…you know, just in case. If Josh is late, I’m pacing around the house in anticipation, just to be sure that he gets home ok.
Our society is full of negativity and worst case scenerios. Look at the news. They are constantly pumping us full of crap about the next World War, Biological Warefare, and Swine Flu. Hello. We say what a big deal THAT was. Have you heard of the Myan 2012 prophecy? I’m scared to see what kind of unbelievable mayhem will break out when that gets close. Definately worse than the whole Y2K freak out of 1999. Especially since they are making a MOVIE about it [Yea. Really. Staring John Cusak. Comes out sometime the end of the year or early 2011.]
So…what do I do? When I’m scared that we just aren’t going to have the money, or that Noah may have something seriously wrong with him, or that maybe Josh is late for a bad reason? I pray. Why?
God tells us that worry is our way of saying to him, “Look, you may have created the sun and the moon and all that jazz, but this problem I have, yea. You can’t handle it. So I think I’ll just take control of it on my own. I’ll seek you out when I really need something.” Hmm. Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve never said that outloud, or wrote it in a prayer journal, or even so much as thought it in those exact words. But if you’ve worried, that’s what you have done. Phillipians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” [NLT] GOD has this under control. No matter what this may be.
I’m not saying that I don’t get worried. I’m human. And faaar from perfect. But I have Faith. I know that God has me under his wing. That he has my life and the life of my husband and my son under control. He doesn’t need me. All he needs me to do is trust and have Faith in him. He tells us to “cast all our anxieties on him because he cares for us.” [1 Peter 5:7] Don’t think that God doesn’t care. He does. He tells us so. I mean, he did send his only son to this filthy, disgusting Earth to be sacrificed and nailed to a cross. Next time you get upset or start freaking out over something, be it big or small, just take a second to stop and remember that God’s got you. All you need to do it trust him.