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When Parent’s Fail their Children

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  1. Galit Breen says:

    This is so very important, Courtney. And yes, to all of it! I feel the same things about behaviors and disciplining- I own my part in it and kick myself for it.

    I have to add in the requisite, we’re all doing the best we can, yes?}

    Excellent topic and post, friend!

  2. Voni says:

    I remember once when we walked past the toddler Sunday School room, and happened to see our daughter take away a toy from another child at just that moment. We poked our heads in the door and calmly told her she could not do that because she had to share, and that she needed to give the toy back, which she did. The Sunday School teacher said, “Oh, she’s way too young to learn about sharing!” BROTHER! So when? When she loses all her friends? Gets arrested for stealing? Stand strong, my friend! Don’t be afraid to discipline.

    My theory is that punishment causes pain, and more than anything, we don’t like to see our children in pain. But we also want to be kind enough give the “immunization” so they don’t get the “real disease.”

    At any rate, Courtney don’t go down the road of taking the blame for your kids’ behavior. Responsibility for it, yes. (Especially with a toddler) Blame, no. You may have to correct your parenting mistakes (aren’t we human, after all?), but even at three, he is making decisions about his own behavior.

    Also, remember that discipline doesn not equal punishment! Punishment in the context of overall discipline/instruction and love (heavy on the love) is going to make him a stronger human being.

    Blessings,
    Voni

  3. CJ says:

    I have to stop myself from giving excuses for my children when I know they just need to take accountability. That is the best gift I can give them, even though I’d rather just enjoy the FUN parts of parenting!

  4. I have my moments too, especially when my daughter tells me that all I do is yell. I know that I do more than yell, but what she hears is the yelling instead of the nurturing.

  5. Amy says:

    It’s difficult. I know exactly haw you feel. When Abbey displays rudeness or her little temper or gives me sass, or gets upset over something, it’s as if i am looking in a freakin mirror. She is SO much like me. I’ve also taught her some not so nice habits, like growling under my breath, and yelling.

    I do find that living as peacefully as possible with children is the way to go – I strive to parent with peace and compassion, and allow for natural consequences, and for Abbey to form her own moral compass. A moral compass formed by a child is much sturdier than one enforced by parental punishments and expectations. But sometimes I do have to remind her who is “the boss” or let her know that she is being rude, or too loud, or that she needs to stop whining, etc. I firm voice has it’s place.

    I would strongly suggest that you visit http://www.naturalparentsnetwork.com and have a look around as you contemplate these questions you’re having, Courtney! The group of men and women who contribute to NPN are awesome, and all of us contributors (authors, editors, and mentors) are on a journey of our own – so it’s a great community for sharing experiences and sharing strengths/overcoming weaknesses in our parenting and life journeys!

    Balance is important, and forgiveness is important. For MOM. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. We’re not going to be perfect! 🙂 Parent with love and guidance, and your sweet boy will be fine! (and by the way, I constantly feel like Abbey is “that kid” as you say! I have to remind myself that all things develop in their own time with children and that, well, impulse control is just still in progress with Abs!)

    <3 hugs! Great post!

  6. Lizzi S. says:

    Beau is 4 and we are facing similar things at home. I’ve known those kids who have never known any sort of discipline and I don’t want my little boy to become like that. So while disciplining is hard (on the mind, on the heart, and sometimes on the schedule) I keep reminding myself it’s all about helping him in the long run. And I am learning that so often I really should discipline myself because his acting out (sometimes, not always) is rooted in my impatience in the moment…kind of hard to explain.

  7. Kyna says:

    I am soooooo feeling this exact same way right now Courtney, and Ellie is only 2! I am scared for her to hit 3 because so many people tell me 3 is worse! It’s so much easier to avoid disciplining and just give in because it quiets her down so fast (especially in public!). But every time I do that, I am kicking myself because I DO NOT want that spoiled kid! It is so hard to be stern sometimes though…so hard to watch them cry…

  8. I wonder too about what the right age is to get kids to understand that certain behaviors are not ok. I think you’re right that this is how parents raise irresponsible children–b/c they were too afraid to say no or just let it get out of hand early.

  9. Sarah says:

    I soooo know what you mean. I am having this problem with Dustyn right now. I let him get away with a lot because I am so busy doing photography stuff or blog stuff. When I do punish him I get so mad and feel like I am not doing him any favors either. When we did something wrong I got spanked with a belt too. I am just having a hard time being consistent and I know I need to be.

  10. Amy says:

    I know how you feel! We’ve been down this road a few times and it is never easy. As you said, continuity is key. Noah is a great little boy and he’s lucky to have you guys as parents! He’s going to be an incredible young man!

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Courtney Kirkland is a Southeast Alabama Writer & Designer. Since 2008, Courtney has passionately provided beautiful, intentional design to small businesses & bloggers and encouraged thousands to walk in a rich faith in any situation.