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I’m not sure if it’s irrational fear, or worry, or if it’s just some sort of maternal intuition, but I’ve always feared that when the hubs and I tried to have a second child that it wouldn’t be easy. Several months ago, when my friend Mandi wrote about her initial fear that they wouldn’t be able to conceive a second child, and then later about her family’s struggle with infertility, I felt this lump in my throat as this fear that it might some day be me.
Maybe it’s something that all women fear at some point. Maybe it’s because I know how ready I am to have another baby, and this baby fever isn’t going away. (In fact, I think it’s getting worse.) Maybe it’s because we are kind of on a time line…with the husband going to school and whatnot. They offered him school early next year, and he turned it down since we are TTC. This is one of those things that he needs for PA School down the road, so we don’t want to put it off for very long.
Maybe it’s because things were so fast and simple when I got pregnant with little man. We weren’t even trying, and within weeks of “not trying” I was pregnant. It doesn’t seem fair that I got pregnant so quick when there are tons of others out there who struggle.
Whatever it is, there is just this nagging worry that this time will be hard for us.
In an effort to both A) branch out my blog readership to include the TTC audience; and B) document this part of our journey, I’m going to be keeping a little bit of a record here on my blog of what’s going on “fertility” wise for us. We’ve only been trying for about a month now, and I’ve been off of Birth Control for four weeks. But, like I said, I just can’t shake the fear that this isn’t going to be an easy process. Maybe it’s because I know so many people who haven’t been able to conceive after coming off of birth control. For whatever reason, the contraception just threw their body totally out of whack, and they just never managed to get it going like it was supposed to, again. I’ve always worried that would be me. And I’ve never been a big fan of BC pills or IUD’s.
I’m hoping beyond hope, that I’m wrong. That this is just some crazy sense of doubt that I’ve worked up in my own mind because I’m ready to get pregnant (that’s what the husband thinks. He swears I’m being a little bit ridiculous). But, even if it is, I still want to document it. I vowed at the beginning of this year that I would keep a better record of what was going on in our lives, and this is a big step in our families journey.
My hormones are all kinds of out of whack right now. I think it’s a result of coming off of my birth control. “Aunt Flo” has been to visit twice since I stopped taking them, and I’m pretty sure my body hasn’t kicked itself back into normal mode yet. I’ve read that it can take two to three months to get back on a routine, so I’m trying to be patient during these first few months. Things don’t always go as fast as I want them to…despite my insistence.
I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t ovulating during the time between my last birth control induced period, and the one that I got naturally last week. But I bought a box of ovulation tests and it LOOKS like I could be getting ready to ovulate. I’m not 100% sure how these tests really work…but we shall see. The photo on the left was taken yesterday, and the lines just keep get darker. These are the cheapo ones…I wasn’t spending $20 on a box of only seven tests, so…who knows how good they actually are.
I also started tracking my Body Temperature right after I stopped my birth control. When I went for my last checkup with my doctor, she mentioned that if we started to try for a second child, that I should do that immediately so that we could monitor my “fertility” and make sure that things were going the way that they should.
I’m not really worrying or stressing just yet. It’s only been a month, and I know that things aren’t quite back on track yet. So for now, I wait…and we practice. And we wish for lots of baby dust. And we smile and laugh and enjoy life with our already healthy, happy and growing boy. He’s a blessing in more ways than one. Still can’t believe he’ll be THREE in just a few short months!
What was your pregnancy journey like? Did you have any trouble getting pregnant (the first or second time around), or did things just work out for you quickly?