Sometimes it amazes me how powerful and wonderous God is.
I mean, it’s one of those things that I know but sometimes I don’t always acknowledge it. I take a lot for granted [I shouldn’t, and I’m working on it, but I do] and I don’t always take the time to give God all of the credit that he deserves, the time that he deserves, the praise that he deserves. It’s something that bothers me heavily day in and day out, but sometimes no matter how much it bothers me, I keep right on about my business like it doesn’t matter.
Last night was a bad night for me. There have been…issues in my life [none involving my husband or my son, but issues none the less] that have really been weighing heavily on my heart. I have struggled for a long time with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness and unimportance. My husband has helped me to overcome most of that, but still the issues are there. I got really upset about some stuff last night before bed, things that shouldn’t have bothered me because I know they weren’t accurate or truthful, but they did.
I spent almost an hour crying before I went to bed. I cried for over 30 minutes curled up in the bed while my amazing husband held me in his arms and let me be upset. Then I got up and came downstairs and read through some of your blogs and cried a little bit more. About 10:00 I turned the TV off and went back upstairs, completely exhausted, but almost positive that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I lay in bed, listening to Josh snore [yes, he snores…just a little] and started praying. That was the only thing that I knew to do.
I prayed for peace. I didn’t pray that God would take it away, the pain that is, I just prayed that he would let me sleep. I was so tired. And before I could even finish praying, I was asleep. Sound asleep. One of those crazy deep sleeps where I don’t dream or move. I just…sleep.
And I got up this morning, still sleepy, but completely at ease with the things that were bothering me last night. I felt calm. I felt relaxed. I felt…good. I didn’t feel any of the guilt, or frustration, or worthlessness that I have been feeling for a while. For once, this morning I got up and felt completely and totally happy with my life and my husband and my family. I had a good day with my sweet little boy, walked around the Barnes & Noble with him before his doctors appointment, took him for his one year checkup, went to pick up Josh, and watched him play volleyball while Noah played in the sand.
It was a good day. And it was a good day because GOD gave me this good day because he knew how much I was in need of it. I needed this “break” from the nagging negativity I have been carrying around with me. And now, today, I’m over it. It’s all gone. And I am at Peace.