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I am so stoked you're here! My name is Courtney. Disciple. Wife. Mom of Three. Writer. Designer. Business Owner. Visionary. Creative. Entrepreneur. Amateur Photographer. Coffee Addict.

I love the thrill of starting new things; the excitement and challenge of running a business. I believe that every woman—regardless of her background—has the potential to do God sized things. Let's make those big dreams a reality!

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 A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how hard it can be to be overly excited for your pregnant friends when you yourself are having a hard time getting pregnant.

I was overwhelmed by the support I received from all of you; your comments, your encouragement, your stories of struggle. So many of you have been where I am now and I am grateful for your willingness to share that part of yourself with me.

But, with the kind and encouraging comments, came the questionable ones. The ones that were left anonymously (and not so anonymously). The ones that weren’t so understanding; the ones that said I was offensive to others who had struggled with “diagnosed” infertility (meaning that they are medically considered infertile because of the length of unsuccessful attempts at conception). Messages and comments that very clearly stated that maybe I didn’t have the right to be complaining. After all, I have one child already, right? So why complain? It’s not like I don’t have any.

Those comments hurt.

In fact, I think I cried over one of them.

All of  sudden, the pain and the hurt that I was feeling, wasn’t good enough.

In their eyes, I haven’t suffered enough.

Waited long enough.

Endured enough.

It felt like I was being told that until I had suffered as long as some of the others, until my pain had reached a more elevated level, I needed to just sit and suffer in silence.

When did having children become a competition?

Wait…let me rephrase that…

When did trying to have a child become a competition?

We’ve just started on our seventh month in this journey to add to our family. It isn’t an eternity, and certainly not nearly as lengthy as some others have endured. But that doesn’t make my desire to have another baby any different than anyone else’s.

It doesn’t make the hurt that comes with every negative test fade.

It doesn’t make it any easier to swallow the feeling that everyone is getting pregnant right now except me.

Fertility (or lack thereof) isn’t a contest.

It isn’t a race where the winner waits the longest and the prize is the right to feel sad about not having a baby.

To those who have suffered longer than I have, I commend you for your faith and for your struggle. I can not fathom the journey that some of you have been on.

But to those of you who are on the path with me, struggling to make sense of this new place you’re in; waiting impatiently for those beautiful two pink lines you’ve desperately been hoping for…those of you who feel the twinges of pain with every new announcement of pregnancy you read on Facebook or Twitter…

You are NOT alone.

And you have the RIGHT to feel whatever you want to feel.

You have the RIGHT to hurt and be sad.

Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Because in the end, pain is pain, no matter how long you’ve been enduring it.

Have you struggled with conception and adding to your family?
Did you ever feel like your “pain” wasn’t good enough?

I was selected for this post by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses Blog With Integrity, as I do.

I’m also sharing this post today with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out.

Pain is Pain (no matter how long you’ve endured it)

Motherhood

November 2, 2019

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  1. Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure

    November 30th, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling with this issue AND how others react. I’ve gotten to the point in our now almost 2 year journey TTC that I just don’t bother telling anyone any longer. I hope the pregnancy fairy sprinkles some luck your way soon.

    Happy SITS day!

  2. Venus

    November 30th, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Yes, I’ve been there! With G, our only child so far, we tried for nine months. While it was agony for me, I did feel guilty feeling bad when I knew a woman who’d been trying for 5 years without success. But you’re right. In the moment, all pain is pain. I’m terrified that when we start trying for number 2 that it just won’t work. I am definitely grateful that we have G, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’d really like to be blessed with another child.

    I wish you all the best, thanks for your words of encouragement and sanity.

  3. Joanne

    November 30th, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Well said.

  4. Pregnancy week by week

    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:27 am

    Really your speech makes me very sad. I agree with your concept. Now-a-days pregnancy is a boon for every lady. But every one doesn’t get that.I wish you all the very best. That you will definitely get pregnancy as soon as possible. My hearty wishes.Pregnancy week by week

  5. What your Newborn Mama Friends Want you to know (but don't think they can tell you...) - Courtney Kirkland

    December 26th, 2019 at 2:14 pm

    […] have to stress the idea of one child getting more attention than the other. Not to mention, it took us a little over 18 months to get pregnant with him and that time period of waiting took its toll on me. So when our Jonah man arrived and we thought […]

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