I'm Courtney...

Disciple. Wife. Mom x Three. Writer. Designer. All around creative. Someone, somewhere made you feel invisible and unseen. I'm here to tell you that you were created for a purpose much bigger than you can comprehend. You are known. It's time to live like it.

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I’ve always struggled with my self-esteem.

This is no secret to anyone who reads this blog. I’ve talked about it openly, admitted that I’m my own worst enemy, and have slowly come to a point where I’ve learned to love myself, accept myself, and embrace the person I was created to be.

But that didn’t come easily.

Or without a breakdown.

I owe my snap back to reality, to Megan Fox.

One of the harshest realities that I had to come to terms with when my son was born, was the fact that I would never have my exact pre-baby body back. Sure, I could get back to my pre-pregnancy weight with a lot of hard work and determination. But, as most of your with children know, your body changes shape entirely after having a kid. Things just don’t sit the way that they used to.

It was my first birthday celebration after the birth of my son…

The husband arranged several weeks in advance for our friend and neighbor, Lisa, to watch our baby boy (who was almost 9 months old). He took my shopping for a new dress, new shoes, mani/pedi and a fresh haircut.

I took two hours getting dressed than night. We were living in Florida, so my skin had a sin-kissed tint to it, my naturally brown hair was streaked with blonde from days out by the pool.

I was feeling pretty fabulous. I was back in my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans (a size 5 from Express). I had picked out a coral and cream sundress that had thin halter straps and a cute pair of matching sandals for the occasion.

My husband told me countless times how beautiful I looked that night. When we dropped the baby off at the neighbors house, she even made the comment that Noah might be a big brother sooner than we had imagined if I wore that dress very often. I was beaming.

Proud of myself for losing the weight and getting back in shape. Confident in my appearance.

It was sure to be a good night.

And then the movie started.

We went to see Transformers 2 (which was my choice…I’m a total action/comic book/superhero movie kind of person).

I don’t know if you guys have seen it, but the directors made sure to include lots of screenshots of Megan Fox in all of her size 2, overly tanned, partially fake glory. Shots from below, behind, and, well you get the point.

Within the first 20 minutes of the film, my confidence was shot. My sweet husband, who had done nothing but tell me how great I looked, became the target of my bad mood. I held his hand lifelessly throughout the film, and spent 99% of the movie comparing myself to her. Everything about her screamed “gorgeous” and I felt like a lump sitting in that theater chair.

When the movie was over we went to Chili’s. My mood had turned so foul that I didn’t even want to eat. My husband ordered my favorite appetizer (those fabulous Bacon & Cheddar Fries…yum) and we sipped mixed drinks. He tried to make conversation, tried to be nice and enjoy our night together…

And there, sitting in a little corner booth, I totally lost it.

Cried into my plate (and all over those perfectly good fries). Totally and completely ruining the evening.

My poor husband didn’t know what was going on; what he had done (or hadn’t done) and didn’t know how to control my meltdown.

I knew I had change.

I had to get a grip.

That this was no way to live my life…hanging my head and comparing myself to everyone that walked by.

Especially someone as Photoshopped as Megan Fox.

I made a deliberate decision that night to learn to love myself in spite of, and because of, my “flaws” and imperfections.

A decision I haven’t strayed from since.

I let Megan Fox Ruin my Birthday


November 2, 2019

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  1. Emily @ My Pajama Days

    October 3rd, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Beautifully and honestly written. I think most of us moms can relate to that craving and wishing for our pre-pregnancy bodies. We wrap so much into shape, size and weight that we forget why our spouses married us in the first place. We forget why we wanted this life of marriage and motherhood. You are not alone, my sweet lady. I hope that you continue to seek out support in all the most unconventional ways as well as remind others of their inner beauty. So glad to have found you through the link up!

  2. Jessica

    October 3rd, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Good for you for making the decision to change. We can’t spend our lives comparing ourselves to other people, especially those on screen. We will always feel terrible.

  3. Maureen | Tatter Scoops

    October 3rd, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Kudos to you for standing up to Megan Fox! 😀 I think we all can be our worst critique in every way but you are doing the brave things to know it has to change especially comparing ourselves to these celebrities.

  4. Andrea

    October 4th, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. It’s inspiring and motivating all rolled into one. It’s okay to kind of wish we had those Hollywood bodies, as long as we don’t aspire to be them immediately and recognize we rock because of who we are and not who they are – that’s what matters!

  5. Jessica

    October 4th, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I also have fallen victim to comparing myself to celebrities on-screen while at movies with my hubs, so I can relate to this post on so many levels. Interestingly, my self esteem issues were worse pre-mommyhood. I still do have my moments but overall, I’ve learned to accept myself for who I am and that who I am is what my husband loves.

  6. Courtney

    October 4th, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    We just watched the new Transformers movie last night. I’ve never been a fan of Megan Fox. I fail to see what the fuss is all about with her. But when men are falling over themselves over a chick, no matter how fake or untalented, you can’t help but to compare yourself. I think it’s totally natural.

  7. Lindsey

    October 4th, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    Post-pregnancy you got into a size FIVE? Now MY self-esteem has taken a hit! I’ve never been a five!
    I don’t think Megan Fox is attractive. Neither does my husband. Because have you ever heard her talk?
    Imagine how you might feel if you were only valued for your looks, like she is.

  8. Missy | Literal Mom

    October 5th, 2011 at 10:48 am

    I am so glad you were able to make that change! The entire first year after a baby is filled with emotional highs and lows. Who KNEW Transformers and Megan Fox would do that to you? Good for you for turning it into a positive.

  9. Virginia

    October 5th, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    Why is a size 2 something to be envied? Think of all the chocolate she hasn’t eaten, and then you’ll start feeling sorry for her. 😉

    (I came here from the Just Be Enough linkup.)

  10. Elena @CiaoMom

    October 5th, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    So glad that you focused on loving yourself after that…… I try, and on most days succeed to not compare myself or allow myself to feel inadequate because of others. But it is a constant struggle. Thanks for sharing your story as part of JBE!

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© 2019 • Courtney Kirkland • Writer, Designer, Creative


courtney kirkland

live life known.