A Bit of Perspective

August 28, 2012

I wake up every morning to the same thing…

…a cool breeze blowing from the fan; regulating the temperature accordingly to keep my pregnancy induced hot flashes in check.

…surrounded by the fluffiness of a dozen (yes, we really have that many pillow on our bed right now) pillows.

…the sun peeking in through the ever present crack in our black out curtains.

…and the feel of fingers wrapped around my arm.

Every night, without fail, sometime between the “I love you’s” and the “good morning, sleep head’s” he makes his way into our bedroom. I hear him when he comes in most nights. Tip-toeing over to his daddy’s side and crawling ever so quietly into bed beside him. My husband (who hates to be woken up and doesn’t like to get out of bed if he doesn’t have to) pulls back the blankets and lets him into the warmth of our bed.

Despite the frustration of sleeping three wide in an already-too-small-for-a-pregnant-woman-and-her-husband and our sometimes seemingly constant bedtime battle, I scoot over to make room.

Life has been all about perspective for me lately.

I’m exhausted and anxious and generally overwhelmed most days.

My to do list doesn’t seem to be shrinking. In fact, if anything, I think it grows every day.

By bedtime, I’m ready to collapse and I wonder why it always feels like I’m taking one step forward and two steps back. On a good day, I feel like I take two steps forward and only one step backward. I’m careful to watch myself and not overdo it for the sake of my own health as well as for Jonah’s. But nonetheless, the impending “oh my Lord…we/I need to get this DONE” feeling looms.

A few weeks ago the mother of a friend of mine from high school posted something on Facebook that hit me like a sack of bricks.

No one should complain about what they have to do in a given day until they go pull weeds from their own child’s graveside.

Her son was killed in a car wreck when he was 16 years old. I remember the day he died. I remember how we all found out. I remember the funeral and the burial and the weeks and months that followed that day. And her quote was a great reminder that it’s not as bad as it could be.

So these days…even when I’m overwhelmed and feel completely drained by the must do’s and need to’s of the day, I try to take a step back and change my perspective.

Yes. I am exhausted and my entire body aches from being stretched, pushed and punched from the inside. But. Those stretches, punches and pushes are the reminder that there’s a tiny little miracle growing in my tummy and gearing up for his arrival into our world.

Yes. My list of things that need marking off grows by the minute (or so it seems). And I usually feel like even though I mark one thing off, I add two or three more. But. That to do list is a constant reminder that my business is thriving and I’m not only doing something that I love, but that I’m contributing to our family and chasing down personal dreams and ambitions that I never even realized I had.

Yes. There are usually four or five loads of unfolded, unkempt laundry piled up in baskets at the foot of the bed or on top of the dryer. There are dust bunnies in the corners and scratches on my tables. There are stains in the carpet and crumbs on the counter. But. Those clothes…those crumbs…those piles of dirt remind me that our family is healthy and active and enjoying the days that come our way. Even if it means that the dust bunnies get to play a bit longer.

I may not have it all together. I may not get it all done. I may never be more than a few tiny steps ahead of the plan.

But I’m here.

And I’m trying.

Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out…

  1. Alison

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    I love this perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up in the little things that bug us and then we beat ourselves up over not getting enough done etc. And we lose sight of what matters and what we have, rather than what we don’t. So I love that you’re embracing it all – punches, pushes, pulls and all.

  2. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    I was determined to make sure that I enjoyed every single aspect of this pregnancy this time, just in case we decided that it was the last one and we don’t have anymore kids. I can’t imagine looking back in a few years and regretting that I didn’t soak it all up.

  3. Shell

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    What a powerful reminder. I get caught up in little things that seem big… but they really aren’t that big of a deal.

  4. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I think we all do that on occasion. I have to remind myself that the “big” things, really aren’t that big.

  5. Robbie

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    I love this. It reminds me of a quote about being thankful for what you do have because someone is happy with a lot less.

  6. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    That’s always been one of my favorites. I see people with so much less who are completely and totally content.

  7. Meagan

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    What a nice reminder for us all! We’re really so blessed! That shot with Noah’s hand in his pocket is wonderful! I’m so glad you’re getting out and using that awesome camera and enjoying the weather! 🙂

  8. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    We haven’t had a lot of great days this summer, so it was fun to be able to snag some shots while the weather was nice. I’m hoping that even though Fall will bring some cooler temperatures, that *maybe* I can get in a few good sessions of him.

  9. Katie

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Its amazing to find ourselves in the right place at the right time… So grateful to find this today! Thank you for the lovely post.

  10. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    So happy that this post gave you something you needed!

  11. Kimberly

    August 28th, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    What a powerful reminder of how precious life is. I often get caught up in the eve growing to do list, and I need to take this perspective more often.

  12. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    You and me both. I have to throw the “to-dos” aside sometimes or else I feel like I’m drowning in them.

  13. Linda

    August 29th, 2012 at 1:34 am

    Yes, there is always something to be thankful for. And it is especially nice when we are feeling overwhelmed, to just sit back , take a breath and count all of our blessings!

    My momma used to say…”there’s always tomorrow…and if there isn’t, then it didn’t matter anyway!”
    We need to worry less, and struggle less…and just relax and enjoy life with our family and friends more. There will always be dust bunnies, and dishes in the sink, and floors that need vacuumed. And they will be there waiting for us when we are done loving on our kids and enjoying the life that God gave us to enjoy!

    Good post!

    Love, Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

  14. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    You are right. The to do’s don’t go away and they will always remain. If we spent our entire lives waiting to have an empty list of tasks, we’d never enjoy anything.

  15. ilene

    August 29th, 2012 at 2:19 am

    I got up early to catch up on my office tasks – and there are tiny bits of paper with my to-do lists scattered all around me….You just gave me a straight shot of perspective – heard loud and clear like a gun shot. THANK YOU

  16. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    You’re welcome! I have to come back to this post often to remind myself that all of those things on my list of “to dos” aren’t as important as enjoying time with my family.

  17. Kelly l

    August 29th, 2012 at 2:50 am

    Beautiful reminder Courtney! I do try to remind myself that being busy is a gift, and amazingly it all magically gets done. Either that or we realize to let go of the things that don’t matter. Love your writing and thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us all!

  18. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you, Kelly! Being busy is such a blessing and I’m so thankful that I have been lucky enough to book myself up for the year when there are so many that haven’t been so lucky.

  19. molly

    August 29th, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Wow, that facebook status would have changed my perspective too! Don’t feel so bad about the never-ending to-do list. We all have one and my guess is, if you’re a mom, it mostly gets ignored, lol.

    I bet you’re tired. I remember being just exhausted when I was pregnant with Brigham and taking care of Landon. Rest all you need.

  20. Courtney

    September 15th, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Unfortunately, yes and no. Sometimes I’m able to ignore the list, but there are some things that just can’t be ignored. I do have to step back and realize, however, that the to do list will always be there and that my littles won’t be little forever.

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