I cannot pinpoint the exact moment or the time that it happened, but somewhere in the last six months, my life has shifted.
Maybe it’s a result of having three kids instead of two…
Maybe it’s the result of finally reaching the point of physical, spiritual and emotional exhaustion…
Maybe it’s preparing to move across the country (literally from one coast to the other) for the third time in seven-ish years…
Maybe it’s just life in general…
Maybe it’s more.
Maybe it’s reaching the point of being fed up with the mundane and the ordinary “check off the boxes” lifestyle I have been living. Maybe it’s knowing that there’s more that I need to do, want to do, capable of doing…but can’t right now for reasons of my own making. Maybe it’s loneliness in a season of busy. Maybe it’s feeling lost when I know that I have been found. Maybe it’s broken relationships, broken friendships, heartache, disappointment, reality of bad habits and sinfulness, despair, exhaustion, longing and desperation rolled into a big ball of emotion and confusion and obligation.
Whatever “it” is, I have had enough of it.
The fact that I cannot even pinpoint what is sucking me dry spiritually is an issue in and of itself. I am tired. I am weary. I am drained. I am needing and longing for more than what I’ve been getting from the Word and from prayer. God is so much bigger than all of this. I want so much more of Him than I do of this world and the worlds approval.
I need more.
I’ve heard many fellow bloggers and friends say that they couldn’t just stop writing or sharing or Instagramming or tweeting (I didn’t realize anyone really still used Twitter, but I digress) because they felt like they owed it to their audience to be present. I get that. I’ve spent 10 years building this little platform of friends. I love each of you dearly.
But, I love me more.
I love GOD most.
For the next 30-40 days, things will be silent around here. Not just here, but on my Instagram…my Facebook…my Twitter (minus the things that I have automatically set up to share with Lifeway)…all of it.
I’m going dark.
My friend Lisa Whittle did this back years ago and wrote a whole book about what she learned through it. I felt God calling me to this for several days last week and her 5 Word Prayers Daily Podcast this week was the affirmation from God that I needed that this was something I have to do. God’s calling me to something…I don’t know what. I don’t know why.
But, I know that I have to be obedient.
My fear of being forgotten in a busy world…
My anxiety about “losing followers” because of my absence…
The notion of letting someone down because I’m not here…
It’s too much for me right now.
I have to get back to what I’m here for. Back to the one who called me to this place to begin with. I can’t do that with the noise and the distractions of the world around me.
I don’t know what’s ahead, but I know the one who does.
It’s time to find him and focus on Him for a while.
I’ll be back.