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Feature Friday: Best Friends

February 24, 2012

I’m excited to have Tonya from Letters for Lucas here to be today’s Feature Friday Blogger! Her blog is always full of encouragement and inspiration. I love popping over to see what she has going on and I always come away feeling encouraged; either because she’s made me laugh or stirred something in me emotionally. She’s definitely one of my “must reads” so be sure to check her out! You can find her on Facebook, poking around Twitter or spilling it on her blog.

Tonya is a stay-at-home mother to two-year old son, Lucas. She writes Letters For Lucas as a way to document his childhood and maintain her sanity. Turns out listening to Dave Matthews and consuming lots of red wine help too. I also freelance for Smart Mom Style.

Best Friends

We were close once.


Best friends.

College dorm mates and then rented our first apartment together and then two more after that.

We helped each other navigate through some of the toughest decisions of our lives.  We wiped each other’s tears and shared each other’s clothes.

This August we will have known each other for 21 years. That’s a long time to be friends with someone. But even the best of friendships wane and things go left unsaid and feelings are hurt, opinions are expressed and lines all crossed. We suffer and vent in silence and before we know it, it’s been six years since you spoke to one another.

I wonder if we’d still be friends.

Not just Facebook friends, like we are now, but real honest to goodness friends who talk every day, share secrets and books and tears over wine?

If you had stayed that is, I wonder if we’d still be friends?

Would we have scheduled play dates with our children or tried to get them into the same school together? I remember being almost as excited as you were throughout your first pregnancy.  I met your daughter but not your son.

Would we have planned family vacations together and double dates? I remember when you met my boyfriend (now husband) and I am certain you knew before I did that he was The One.
Would we still laugh at the same jokes and dance wildly with abandon together to The Cure’s Just Like Heaven?

If my parents hadn’t died five years ago, would you have ever reached out to me? I could not bring myself to respond to your e-mail or voice mail. I was too hurt and angered that it took something so catastrophic to make you want to connect again.

What happened to us?

If you had told me 10 years ago that we would only be Christmas card friends now, I wouldn’t have believed you.

We were too close.

Best friends.

People told us we could have been sisters.

I’m sure you had your reasons for moving your family across country without telling me, but it doesn’t mean it was fair or right.

Didn’t I deserve more? Didn’t our friendship mean anything to you?

Even through it’s been six years since I heard your voice, it’s safe to say I still miss your presence in my life.

I’m more careful with my heart now.

I don’t let myself get that close to anyone anymore.

  1. Jessica says:

    It makes me sad that you lost such a close friend. I went through something similar and the reason we don’t talk anymore is stupid but instead of remaining a Christmas card friend with her I blocked her from my life completely and have moved on. I hope that one day you are able to have close friendships again like you had with this person.

  2. Kimberly says:

    I’m so sorry. A very close friend and I went through the same thing. It hurts, I know. The questions of “why” and “what could be’s” haunt us.

  3. Nice to meet you Tonya…unfortunately I would prefer it to be over a different subject, but it seems as though us blogging MaMMas have these kinds of relationships in common. Or maybe just about everyone has had this happen. I can relate…completely. And yes, we are much more careful with our hearts and who we let in. Thank you for sharing part of yours with us today.

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