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Evaporated Hopes

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  1. Jennifer says:

    Oh hon, I am sorry, because I have been through a miscarriage and I know that it’s painful. My miscarriage was early, I was about 6 weeks, maybe more, but it was enough to know there was a life, a baby growing inside of me. And it was physically painfully going through it. I started spotting and bleeding and went to the hospital and they confirmed I was having a miscarriage, and told me to come back on Sunday to get my blood drawn to make sure, Sunday came and they said my HCG levels had increased, so I wasn’t having one after all. But then Monday night came and I was at work, and starting experiencing the worst pain and cramping I’ve ever had and I was bleeding, so I went to the hospital again and in the yucky ER bathroom I passed a really large clot, and then the pain just stopped. And I knew. And there was nothing I could do or say or change it. I was really heartbroken. I felt like I had done something wrong…even though I knew I hadn’t, I still felt like I had, you know? But I am sorry you are going through this pain, and I am here if you ever need prayer or want to talk.

    • Courtney K. says:

      Thank you, Jennifer. And I am so, so sorry for your loss as well. I didn’t make it into this one but a few hours, but the unbelievable cramps and pain that I had for a few hours were enough for me to know what was happening. I spent a little over an hour nearly doubled over in agony. I felt like I was in labor all over again. I knew then what was going on. I started spotting about 3 days later and then had a seriously heavy “visitor” right after. Mothers can tell. We know when something is different and not right. I knew there was a baby. I could just feel it. I’ve kept myself busy the past week or so and have started coming to terms with it. We’re onto another month now and I’m keeping my head up and trusting in someone so much bigger than me. I appreciate your prayers and support!

  2. Kimberly says:

    I’m so sorry. Know that my thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you.

    It’s all in the right timing. It will happen for you, I’m sure.

  3. Robin says:

    I’m so sorry that this has happened. Thank you for sharing with your readers. It helps us know how to pray for you (and I do pray for needs that I see online as well as in “real” life). I pray for peace and comfort for you and your hubby in the loss of your precious baby. ((hugs))

    • Courtney K. says:

      Thank you so much, Robin! I pray for all of my “online” friends as well on a daily basis….keeping notes and adding their requests to my prayer journal. Thank you for your prayers!

  4. Becky Campbell says:

    I had an early miscarriage (not sure about the term chemical pregnancy?). I was 5 weeks along and had just found out the week before. We hadn’t been trying…actually, we had been trying very hard to NOT get pregnant. After the shock wore off, we were SO excited. We felt like God wanted us to be pregnant! Then, a very short week later, I started bleeding. I spent an entire day running all over town to every clinic I could find to try and get someone to help me. Everyone told me the same thing…there was nothing they could do. I was devastated and a couple of blood tests, 2 agonizing days apart, confirmed the news. We hadn’t told our families either, we were waiting for Father’s Day weekend to share the news. I’m honestly glad we never told them because they knew we were “done” having children and knowing how they operate, I would’ve probably said somethign I’d regret once they responded in their own “speical” way! We never even told our other 2 children and I still feel very guilty about that. I did tell a couple of very close friends. One was very supportive since she had gone thru several miscarriages and reminded me that she’d had 3 children since then and that if it was supposed to happen, it would happen again. Another friend was trying to be supportive, but said all the wrong things and it threw a real wrench in our friendship…until she suffered her own miscarriage a few months later. At that point I stepped up and cried with her and we dreamed that our angels were having a tea party in Heaven…just waiting for and watching over us. I don’t know that I’ve said anything to help you…I just wanted to share my experience. It’s such a helpless feeling, but it does get easier. Every year on what would have been the dute date, I have a good cry and dream…and then I move on and shower my other children with love and hugs. I’ll be praying for you and your family!!♥

    • Courtney K. says:

      I can identify with that situation completely. It’s hard when you feel like you don’t have them to turn to. It most definitely brings out a new appreciation and understanding for those who have experiences a miscarriage. It’s one of those things that you can sympathize with and offer your condolences for, but never understand until you’ve been there. Thank you for your prayers!

  5. Kir says:

    Oh my sweet friend, I am so very sorry. As a woman who faced and dealt with infertility for 4 years I know how hard those BFNs are and how much they can take from you.To anyone who wants a child, the mere idea of one is a gift and losing it to a on time Aunt Flo or a CP , an early m/c is toture and so hard to explain. I love your choice of words..evaporated hope because that is what it feels like.
    Wishing you tons of babydust for your next cycle…and hugs until then.

    • Courtney K. says:

      Oh I am so sorry for your struggles with TTC. I can’t imagine. Those BFN’s are daunting and really drain the life out of you. We made, well…I made…the decision to not test this time until way after AF is late (if she is). If I have another chemical, I would rather not know about it. Sending prayers of comfort and peace to you as well my friend!

  6. liz says:

    I hope it does work our for you to share this next pregnancy with your friend! Good luck!

  7. Lisa says:

    I had a chemical pregnancy before I got pregnant with my son. I was pregnant for 4 weeks 5 days before I lost that baby. I got the positive tests, and didn’t know until the blood came. It was devastating and heartbreaking. I never thought i’d get over it. But I got pregnant with my son a month later, and now i have him and my gorgeous daughter.

    I never forget about the baby I lost. But I know that I might not have my daughter had that baby survived. Stopping by from PYHO.

    • Courtney K. says:

      There is always some tiny sense of optimism in something like this. Like you said, you might not have your daughter if you hadn’t have lost the other baby. I feel the same way. We don’t have a second child yet, but I know that I will love him/her beyond measure…and know that I won’t be able to picture a life without them when they arrive. Maybe I’ll have luck like you and this next cycle will be it for us. 🙂

  8. Laura says:

    Thank you so much for writing this Courtney. You completely know how I feel about sharing these feelings and emotions. It helps others not feel so alone when *they* go through this. You have done a beautiful and brave thing by sharing this. Thank you.

    I don’t know what to say. I’m right there with you friend. I am grieving for your family’s lost baby. I am grieving beside you as I (continue) to work through my own pain. I am praying for you and loving you and sending you all the baby dust I can.

    I bet our babies are playing together in heaven.

    • Courtney K. says:

      I bet they are, too. 🙂 I can picture that so beautifully. Sitting on a cloud somewhere…or on the lap of Jesus. What a peaceful thought to know that our babies are resting in the arms of someone much greater than we are. I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you work through your grief. Miscarriage is one of those things that you can only sympathize with until you’ve been there. And I can honestly say now that I really can grasp what you are feeling. Love you, my dear, dear friend!

  9. Lizzi S. says:

    Oh Courtney. My heart and prayers and love go out to you.

    Take comfort, if you can, in knowing that you are not alone. That so very many of us have had similar experiences.

    • Courtney K. says:

      Thank you, Lizzi! That means so much to me! And I know that there are so many others who have walked this road as well.

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Courtney Kirkland is a Southeast Alabama Writer & Designer. Since 2008, Courtney has passionately provided beautiful, intentional design to small businesses & bloggers and encouraged thousands to walk in a rich faith in any situation.